Please allow me to introduce myself ... I am a man of .....
I am starting a cult so please sign up, now, dammit! Don’t talk it over with your family, they hate you. Also your friends don’t need to be bothered with this information as they barely remember you exist. It’s just you and me, and soon you’ll be part of our family, the only family that really loves you and will take care of you no matter how old or disabled you become.
Look into my eyes, see the truth, the only truth there is in the universe. Only I have the keys to the questions that don’t have answers, the key to the words which cannot be defined. Truth? Beauty? Justice? Pah … I laugh at your ideas of the indefinable and give you something to consider. Truth you say; well, truth is nothing more than a statement which integrates effortlessly into your ideas of what currently valid in your reality. I say the sky is blue, you have seen pictures of a blue sky since you were 2 years old and in your literature the sky is always described as some hue of blue. See, that is truth.
As they say, ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ and how true that is. Beauty is nothing more than subjectively perceived symmetry. The more symmetrical the object being viewed is determined to be, the more ‘beautiful’ the perceiver will assume this thing, place, or person to be. Justice is nothing more than truth on a large scale. Justice is a statement or an outcome which serves appropriately the common expectations of the greatest number of people. Someone murders a child and receives the death penalty for his crime and the people say “justice has been served”. Someone euthanizes a child dying of bone cancer, a child who is wracked with pain each waking moment and this person receives a 6 month jail sentence for taking the law into his own hands. Again, “justice has been served” and the people are content.
Come with me to my haven, my sanctuary away from the world of discord, unfairness, ugliness and violence. You will be welcome as long as you promise to uphold your agreement in becoming an active member of this cult. Your first responsibility is thinking for yourself. We have television here at the compound however each time you watch, you must invert the information so that you immediately see both sides of the information presented as “news”. If someone confides something to you or gives you information you are only allowed to believe half of what they say and no more. Should someone become extremely aggressive verbally with you, you must at once form in your imagination a scenario where this angry person has just endured the most trying circumstance of his life and right now he is unable to think clearly or reason logically. You must do this every time.
Yes, there is much asked of you in the way of controlling your wandering mind and in not letting your ego run wild with your imagination, but the rewards are immense. I cannot define how you will be spiritually compensated but it is enough to say, you’ll know it when you feel it.
Take my hand, sign on the dotted line, join the Church of Get Over Yourself and Get Past Your Drive for Easy Answers to Life’s Unending Problems. Membership is free; there is nothing to pay and no need to compensate the church community.